"I'm tired of looking. Everything I want is right here."

Sunday night I attend the closing night performance of Apuka Theatre’s inaugural production of Terrence McNally's Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune, with an inspired bit of staging in a photo studio/loft on Carlaw Ave. 

I want to say thank you to actors, David Gingerich and Natalie Feheregyhazi and the production team led by director Rod Ceballos, whose adept hand ensured the play's intensity, for creating such a beautiful and moving theatrical experience. You told the story and I got it, moment to moment, and I was so moved. Simple and pure. Why isn’t all theatre like this?! The show only had five performances leaving me sad I cannot force everyone I know to go and see it. Hopefully the company will consider a remount. I feel as if I have been privy to buried treasure. Though I should keep it secret, I can’t wait to boast of it to everyone. And it’s all the more special given the production’s limited run and esoteric existence. 

I felt as if for the first time I could so clearly hear the playwright’s voice as well as directly feel the performers’ hearts beating in rhythm with their characters’. You made me care about Frankie and Johnny, their need for one another and why it had to be now. And why they/we have to recognize the moment when it arrives and do everything in our power to seize it. You elevated McNally’s play and gave it a level of gravitas that I alone with only a reader’s imagination could not reach.

The vastness of McNally’s feelings poured forth through the players’ connection to their own. The brave choice to commit fully to the physical reality of Frankie and Johnny's sexual discovery clearly bore out the truth about the dance of attraction this play so sharply reveals. It was a beautiful experience. I was riveted through out, completely absorbed by this frank, daring and unflinching meditation on love.

Terrence McNally's ability to wrestle this beast called love, kicking and screaming into the light so we may see her naked, full primeval force, leaves me in awe of the depth of his understanding. And I think I only got that because the actors were so committed to their work. Kudos to you both. 

You did this play such a tremendous service. And though it shouldn’t be, it was a rare experience. 

Your production of Frankie and Johnny has Inspired me to live my own life bolder.

Thank you.

I am sure to cherish this memory for a lifetime.

Richard III - Hart House - Sept. 15

Very happy to announce I've been cast in my first ever Shakespeare production. I will be playing Brakenbury and Norfolk and a few others in the upcoming Hart House Theatre production of Richard III, directed by Jeremy Hutton.
 We are into our second week of rehearsals. Things are going exceptionally well. Terrific cast. Awesome staging. It's going to be one hell of a ride. Miss it at your own peril. Will update more frequently during the rehearsal and show period.

Click here: Richard III to purchase tickets and get more info.

Improv 101

Count me in. I had my first class this evening at ITC in the Yellow room with Chris Besler. Chris is an awesome instructor. In one of our exercise we had to say things we loved for 45 seconds. I can now add Chris Besler to my list. I am so glad to be in this group. We have a terrific group of players that are all very giving. I look forward to developing along with everyone else. It definitely feels like this is long over due.

Tonight we began with a focus exercise of sending a clap to a person in the circle and continuing the phrase, zip-zap-zop. Then we threw an imaginary dagger at someone accompanied with a great yell. We built this up until we had three daggers going at once. The object was to establish eye contact.

We followed this with the name game. This was a terrific exercise where the group decided what your name rhyme or slogan would be accompanied with an action and performance tone. I was christened, "Malcolm, Triple X" with the motion of crossing your arms in front of you over your crotch, in the tone of some G-boy. I don't know how this group of budding improv-ers knew me so well.

Our main exercise was the panel of experts. where four of us would take turns being a group of experts in a subject that was invented in the moment by the group suggesting two words, a noun and a verb. I got "Magic Thong" where in I was cast as the model of these magic thongs. They became weight loss thongs. To which I added that there was an invisible string that sucked the fat from inside and bundled it into your sexual area.

It was a terrific class with a great group. Definitely the right direction for me as I'm discovering it's all inter-connected: Stand-up, improv, sketch, etc. And of course my baseline being acting. It's fun to bring that work into this environment.

Looking forward to the classes ahead.

Guergis splurges: down payments are for suckers

Women you have a lot to live up to if you’re going to match the productivity of your status leader in Ottawa, Helena Guergis.

Take a deep breath and away you go.

Start by entering a beauty contest at all costs even if the entry fee is an extortionists ransom of $4000. Once you’ve made the transformation from beauty queen to MP, get yourself a full, no down payment mortgage on an $880,000 dollar home in Ottawa from a Bank of Nova Scotia branch in Edmonton. Then re-write the lyrics to Happy Birthday as follows:

Happy Fucking Birthday to me
Happy Fucking Birthday to me
Happy Fucking Birthday to me
I guess I’m stuck in this hellhole, PEI
Without boots and only my sock feet
To walk around in this shitty airport.

Now practice this great come back phrase: “Don’t lecture me. I’m here working my ass off for you _______________________________." (fill in the blank), e.g. hellhole inhabitants of PEI.

After this, write a dozen or so ghost letters with the help of your staffers in praise of yourself to the national papers; all while celebrating your blow snorting husband’s DUI charge being reduced to careless driving and a $500 fine.

That’s quite a list ladies. Are you up for the challenge? Remember, to gain this kind of status you have to be willing to "work your ass off." That's the Guergis motto.

The journey from bubbly brunette to bubble-headed bleach blonde is hard work for any girl. This is why beauty queen experience is so vital.

I see world domination at the level of a Bond super-villain for any aspiring Guergis apprentice out there. After all, she's only a junior cabinet minister. Give her some time.

Check out Rick Mercer's Guergis Photo Challenge here.

MY FRIEND ANDREA IS SUFFERING FROM A RARE AILMENT.

I know a guy who can surgically remove that horrendous third arm growth thingy Andrea's currently suffering from. He's an expert in the field. Does great work. Very little scarring. He's rates are reasonable too. He does operate out of a public storage locker -- but the savings have to come from somewhere, right? It'll be worth it though, just to be able to see again.

SAVE ANDREA FROM PUBLIC STORAGE LOCKER SURGERY AS SEEN ON CSI!

Not everyone knows the pain and social stigmas associated with this lesser know disease Forehead-arm-stuck-itis. I’ve just done some research, and the good news is: There’s hope! The people at the Institute for the Ethical Treatment of Forehead-arm-stuck-itis or Freedom Forehead, as they like to call themselves, know that growing a third arm out of your forehead is no laughing matter. That is why they are committed to detaching the three-million third arms that are currently stuck to people's heads all over the world. In fact in the time it takes you to read this, five more people are now suffering from Forehead-arm-stuck-itis in cases much worse than yours. After all, you're one of the lucky ones. You can still eat and breathe.

Help support this tireless team fighting one of the top global epidemics that has been widely ignored by the media. Once you become aware of the depth of this problem you will be compelled to lend Freedom Forehead a hand, or rather help take one away. Give generously but also pull vigorously, at least until the damn thing comes off.